Mixed Emotions...

Our first born baby boy starts kindergarten next Wednesday. It seems as though just yesterday I was sitting by his bed side in the NICU begging and pleading with God to spare my sweet baby boy's life. He was so tiny just, 2lbs15ozs...but he had fight! I remember SO many long and scary days (41 to be exact) and in those days I wondered if we would ever make it this far. I am feeling SO blessed to have a healthy happy KINDERGARTNER with no major health problems...we are so fortunate that even after being born two months early he has his sight, his hearing, he is mobile, and the list continues from there. I am thanking God for every minute of every day I get to spend with him but at the same time I am so sad.

So sad that there are not two that I get to drop off at school, so sad that we don't get to decide if we want to keep the boys in the same class or separate them, so sad that he is going to make so many friends but his brother does not get to be one of them. I knew as Colten aged it would be difficult to not have everything be bittersweet but I never imagined it would be this hard.   I have so many mixed emotions.  One minute I am happy the next I am sad, then mad, then thankful. They will both always be my babies and it is so hard to get to watch one reach all the milestones and not the other, to know I should be cheering two on.  I know Colten is to young to really understand it all but I truly do think he gets it (which is good because I am a complete basketcase).  So Colten as we continue to get ready for school this weekend know that I am not as crazy as I look, and that I love you with all my heart, know that I am sorry for cheating you, for not being estatic as we reach each milestone.  I love you so much and am so thankful that through you we get to see a glimpse of Jeret.  I love you to the moon, and back...please don't ever forget that!  I know that you are going to LOVE kindergarten, and that you will succeed at everything you do!  I promise mommy will calm down at some point!